Displaced..

I just went for a walk in the cold night air..

It was really nice. I didn't go far because I was supposed to be looking for the cat.. even though I knew he would probably appear at our front door soon enough anyway. It was a good excuse to go for a walk. It was refreshing to amble around unfamiliar corners of familiar places. But as I shuffled my way between the shadows I felt oddly displaced.

I think that since I arrived in Sydney - Wow, that was over a year ago - I've felt so many things that were so familiar here just fade into obscurity. It's as if the memories of growing up were someone elses memories that I've borrowed. I know that these are the memories that made me. It is not enough just to be forged by the drifting shadow of your memories.. but also to know that you are forged. Except for the strength they gather in numbers, I couldn't understand how they discretly make a whole.

While we watched Alias tonight, Rach let me feel her belly. I didn't feel a kick.. but I felt connected. You know what I mean, to feel connected? Rach connects me somehow to the reality I'm living in right now. It doesn't matter how disoriented I am.. those bits that make up my whole still call out for her. Every part. Not just my head or my heart, but every part.

Someday we'll have a child, Rach and I. As hard as that is to believe even now with Rachael's beautifully swollen belly.. I'm still taken aback at the thought. Makes me want to speculate what the little one will be like.. but that's hard to do without knowing if it's a boy or a girl munchkin.

I told Rach today at lunch that I was gonna call our little one Bubbles. She thought I was being cute, but told me that the nickname wouldn't do just the same. Y'see Kat and Ammy have already chosen the nickname munchkin.. from the wizard of oz. But that's just the thing.. in The Wizard of OZ, Dorothy ends up back in KS. In this story, we couldn't bear to be stuck in black and white.. so we make plans to move back into technicolor. Back to the Emerald City so to speak.

Either way, I guess time will tell.. if it's a boy, I'll prolly call it munchkin (or buddy, I have a tendency to do that).. and if it's a girl, I'll prolly call it bubbles. Hmm.. or maybe I'll just call the little one Munchkin Bubbles.. haha.. that'd go over well. :P

*Raises his glass of grape soda*
Here's to finding home soon.. wherever we are.
-len