Toooo late to be blogging

It's too late to be blogging, but I felt like writing and listening to music on the iPad that I got working last night that and I've not had A chance to really have a go typing on this thing.. (Which is amazing to type on btw).

Rach caught me singing (mime) to Lionel Ritchie. Yea, I know. I just admitted to listening to Lionel Ritchie. I have a strange music collection. People are genuinely surprised to find what I listen to and what I know.

I've recently decided to stop living my life on the fringe and afraid. I watched a play tonight that really inspired me. I know I say that a lot, but I'm ready to use all my passion to embrace the things I love.

There's so much beauty and love - and beauty in love.. Waiting to be discovered. We're so close to it, that we are oblivious to it. And it will never be discovered if I stand in one place my whole life waiting for it to find me again. I must go to meet it where I live. I must find that place in myself where am content, and where I can finally grow into a man who radiates the passion that is buried deep within me.

I like this iPad.
And I'm going to bed.
-Len

Staircase or (The Case of the up and down Stairs)

OK, so I lied. My next post was not some hard hitting editorial piece. Nor will the next or the what follows probably be. It'll more likely be some whimsical satire or corny play on words. Because that's what I enjoy doing far more than getting down to the nitty gritty. I'm good at it, when I have to be. But today, and probably every other day I volunteer my personal time to post this drivel - it will most likely be just that. So now..

Have you ever wanted to be a detective? To sleuth around and solve mysteries in a yellow fedora and trench coat?
Me neither. Though I wouldn't mind the fedora and trench coat.

But I do have a compulsion to see how things work. Take them apart. Dismantle them. Put them back together. Or more common than that - just observe. Presume. Assume. Reverse engineer.

I don't have a point. I really just wanted some excuse to post that title. Wordplay makes me smile.

The end.

Keep it superficial, stupid..

Here's the deal..

If anyone reading this is among the old school folks who knew me before I started this blog - Back when I opened the domain www.gkumba.com - then I'd be pretty impressed. That means that you kept visiting when I stopped updating, when I let the domain go to spammers, when I started half a million useless blogs. And through all that, you found this one (because the other useless blogs are still there). Then you read it. And that's where I probably lost you.

So I suppose I'm back from my 4+ year hiatus - and I'm ready to let some of this shit go that I've been dragging around for far too long. It's probably not wise to confess my banal inadequacies to the soul-less void of the internet. So I won't.

What I will do, is give my heart some freedom to muck about with my words so it's not all so bloody sterile. Then someday, when I let people back in, the ones that care about me enough to read the muck of my heart, they'll know the waiting wasn't in vain.

Here's to new benignings.
-len

Who's reading?

I was just looking at my own blog today - filling out an about page and wondering.. Does anyone read my blog anymore, or am I just writing for myself? Not that it matters in the slightest whether I have an audience of one or a quiet herd. However, if you're just waiting for an invitation to comment and tell me how wrong I am - here it is.

I want to make a goal for the next year to just keep writing. To write truthfully and earnestly from my conscience.

You'll want to check out my next piece. I'm going to be digging into the subtle but starkly contrasting values of Australian coastal culture vs. the American midwest. I'll probably make a few parallels between perceptions of western KS and western Sydney. And most importantly, I'll be having a bit of a go at both, pointing out weak points in desperate need of moderation or growth.

But that's not now. Now I get some sleep in a nice warm bed, thanks.
-len

Only time..

I get transported..

Surrounded by memories and vague recollection.
I get lost wandering in time out of order.
And I am neither here nor there.

A place where love is irrationally persistent.
Words fit together like puzzle pieces.
And missing pieces become part of the puzzle.

Weightlessness is freed by the mind.

The images show nothing but the stillness of time.
And time progresses only as flowing sounds..
Taunting me.

listless. without listing. unlisted.

While time may not heal all things. All things are held in time.
..and time is an endless deception of loss and renewal.
Frozen or flowing in our perception as the ages are only moments.

and all is..
finished

Generations

I come from a long line of miserable marriages.

My grandfather on my Dad's side divorced well before I was born. I remember as a young child in his shop, my Grandpa Ellis offering me chewing tobacco, or alcohol, or whatever he was tucking into at the moment just for a chuckle. He'd remarried a woman that we all just called Jenny.

I don't know the circumstances of their divorce. I don't know if he was any happier with Jenny. I do know that one of my Aunts has a different mother than my Dad. I don't know that this was before or after the divorce, but I wouldn't be too surprised to find that some infidelity was involved.

We always called Dad's mom Grandma Howard. I barely know her full name because that title was so engrained. She remarried a few times and was widowed every time as far as I know. The only one I really knew in my lifetime was Clay. He was a good man. I respected him very much. He spoke funny, and was difficult to look at sometimes because he was missing his lower jaw. I don't know the circumstances for that, but he was a wonderful man with a fantastic sense of humor. As you would expect, I took him for granted until he was gone. My grandma Howard was pretty great too. Despite having a pretty hard life, she loved us all very much.

My Grandma on my Mother's side wasn't my favorite. My Grandpa Jackson was a simple man, but he was good. He loved nature and growing things. He was always quite proud of his farm, even though it was a bit of a mess. I don't blame him too much for it being a mess - probably because I can relate to him a bit that way. I would much rather walk the earth admiring it's beauty than to stick myself between four walls and wither. At the same time feeling bound by honour and duty and a desperate need to be loved and appreciated that ties us to our circumstances.

Grandpa and Grandma Jackson were hoarders, and they lived their lives in absolute filth. Grandma Jackson was bitter and lazy, and I really wasn't sad to see her pass. I know that's a horrible thing, but she felt a bit to me like a weed. A human weed that found it's only purpose in life to steal any crumbs of joy from those around her. She died from a stroke in her sleep.

If one person missed her, it was Grandpa Jackson. My parents often called him Paul. Particularly after Grandma Jackson died. His mind went fast after that. He had Alzheimers disease. Nobody really knew what to do with him after that. He ended up going in a home and spent the rest of his life trying to break out until he basically became a vegetable. He died in a home.

Grandma Howard died in a home too. I wasn't there. I wish I could have been for her. I loved Grandma Howard very much. Out of all my grandparents, she was the one that was always a part of my life. She outlived everyone else. And she loved us all so much. I think I must've learned alot about life from her. I wish that Rachael would have met her that first month she came to visit me. I think they would've gotten along well. I think we would understand each other better, had we known each other's grandparents.

It's time to get out from these four walls for a bit, and look for the sun.
Love you all.
-len

Stand up comedian..

I wonder how hard it would be to put together some material, and stand on stage to make peeps laugh.

I just watched a stand up the other day. A guy who I didn't even realize had a sense of humor.. and I was floored. Clever and funny (and a little bit vulgar). It seems a good way to air some dirty laundry without too much accountability. And with a relatively captive audience, it could be a bit of a hoot. 

I reckon the key is putting together some material. Some key points to refer to, in case you get stuck. Would be good for my conversation skills too. Have a bit of a script for breaking the ice in tense situations.

I'm quite sure that I can be funny. I have pretty good timing for that kind of stuff. I would just have to be prepared. And keep it short & sweet. I couldn't just start rambling on stage and bore folks out of their seats. 

Well, just add it to my slate of todos..

• Design portfolio
• Novel (or written story of some kind)
• Gymnastics / Dance / Circus training
• Chinese (language) 
• Music - either write or band
• Europe / NZ
• Snow skiing
• Comedy

Among others that I can't think of at the moment..

Well, at least I've solved the Rubic's cube and seen a 3d movie.

-len

Changes

I've been here for about 5 years now, in Australia. In that time there's been a lot of changes.

• A new country
• New social group
• Two girls
• A cat

And unlike in KS, everyone is in flux. Leaving for overseas holidays visits homecomings and then off again.

It's been a good 5 years, and I'm only just now starting to settle in. 

But it's still a struggle.

-len