You'll Never Understand

I will never be you, no I never will

You will never know how I secretly long to

whisper little thoughts into your apparatus

You never know how I long to feel

Without all this guilt driving me mad

Those words you inflict on me are not mine

Words that hold no meaning in my heart

I know not why I sit idle as I am lashed by their ferocity

Complicated and conflicted are my emotions

I dare not express them

but they return to me contorted and mangled

As they fight for their freedom

they drag me to their depths

You reject me - the more I offer myself to you

I take everything back - you finally notice

Afraid to touch - would you take it wrong?

to let go my reservations - could I hurt any more?

But in moments alone

In the purity of my individual silence

I can accept my place for a moment

and even take pleasure in it

This is the void that stands between us

Not one of silence, but one of longing

and longing to be once again longing

to once again find comfort in our distance

reassurance in your promise

a kindred spirit - aligned with my own

so I find my grounding

and make my way with little steps

to renew my self

and become the one I left behind